Wising-up or dumbing-down?

In 2011, insurance giant Suncorp began issuing a range of new insurance products designed specifically for women. These are marketed under the brand name “Million Dollar Woman“, a name that is cleverly evocative of the material aspirations of middle Australia. (Perhaps not so cleverly, and no doubt unintentionally, the name is also slightly reminiscent of the US-based conservative activist group “One Million Moms” – yes, the Christian fundies who are demanding that “open homosexual” Ellen DeGeneres be removed as spokesperson for a major retail brand. Oops!)

Poll: what fate must befall my preppy American shoes?

Since my return from the Land of the Chinos I’ve been attempting to sort out all my clothes and determine which ones are worth keeping and which are headed for St Vincent de Paul. However, there’s only so much Ralph Lauren polo shirtage one can take before becoming completely desensitised to the subtle difference between “polished classic” and “annoying wanker”.

So friends, please tell me what to do. Should the shoes stay or go?

Police pursuit deaths are an exercise in the bizarre

Let me ask you a question: do you believe that pursuing offenders such as car thieves and speeding motorists in high speed car chases is worth risking the death of those offenders, their passengers or even innocent bystanders? My view is that this might be justified if such deaths were exceptional, rare occurrences. Except that these are no freak accidents.

Back in action

It’s really nice to be back in Australia. With the internet at her fingertips it was tempting for this traveller to think she was still in touch with everything going on back home. Wrong! A few mind-blowing, extremely important discoveries:

• Britney Spears’ ex-husband and Australian football personality Robert “Dipper” DiPierdomenico are about to appear in a reality TV show together. (And they said it would never happen.) Am I dreaming?

• Apparently Australia now has an answer to Justin Bieber. Oh hang on, the 17-year-old tween magnet explains that he’s actually “the anti-Bieber at the moment”. Um, okay.

• Streets has released a “Family Favourites” box of 20 ice creams comprising Golden Gaytimes, chocolate Paddle Pops, pine lime Splices and classic Magnums. There are no words to describe my excitement.

That third one has tipped the scales. That’s it, I’m never leaving Australia again.

Patrolling for trolls. Rarr! (Is that the sound trolls make?)

Happy new year everyone! I’ve been a bit quiet for the last few weeks. Over the Christmas break I learned that an 8 day stomach virus + a persistent head cold = nastiness that impairs the will to live, let alone blog. Yes, all the terrible images you’re picturing in your mind are accurate. Now think of those images in the context of a hiking trip in the wilderness and a 6 hour bus ride to get to said wilderness. I can tell you’re jealous.

The poor people need regulating

The Age has reported today that “poorer” areas of Victoria have more liquor stores per capita than “richer” areas, prompting calls for tighter alcohol controls in poorer areas. That’s interesting; I thought the anti-alcohol wowser movement only hijacked mainstream media on weekends via the Sunday Age. They must be expanding.

Female empowerment fail

Spotted recently at a Smithsonian Institution gift shop in Washington DC. I’m not sure what I like more: the pearl earrings or the carry-on luggage (‘cos a girl can’t go to the moon without her hair straightener!). Maybe NASA space missions need flight attendants?

Update: the Armstrong Air & Space Museum actually describes the doll as a “flight attendant” on its website. There is no hope for humanity.

The Angry Birds merchandising juggernaut is now officially out of control

First it was the plush toys and the t-shirts. Then it was the movie. The creators of the world’s favourite game for mobile devices, Angry Birds, aren’t just brilliant game developers; they’re also shrewd merchandise licensors. But for anyone who suspects that this never-ending quest to milk a fad for all it’s worth knows no bounds, your suspicions have now been confirmed by the release of Angry Birds, The Cookbook.

Christmas tree lighting at Rockefeller Plaza, NYC

Worth standing 2.5 hours for, even amongst all the crazed Justin Bieber fans. I might bring a hip flask next time, though.

Kerri-Anne’s alright by me

Last week, Kerri-Anne Kennerley (or, as she is also not-quite-affectionately known, KAK) was axed from her TV hosting job. Poor old KAK. For years, it’s been cool to make fun of this diamante-encrusted dinosaur of daytime TV. Always mocked in good humour, but mocked nonetheless. But not only is KAK too easy a target, she’s actually one of the few remaining women in her industry who wasn’t cast from a mould.